January 2011
38 posts
3 tags
Re: Apartment
So, last week I posted this email that I wrote to my cousin Angelina about her apartment. APPARENTLY, craigslist is the suck and she never got the email, so my AMAZINGLY FUNNY JOKE fell on deaf ears. So, I emailed it to a bunch of other peeps advertising apartments on craigslist. The following is a response to the aforementioned email from a stranger:
Janet,
The walk to campus varies in length...
me: what did you and ol' Al do last night?
Angelina: went to see some bluegrass!
my ass is grass today
so. tired.
it was fun though! i danced my face off
and made allen dance much more than is comfortable for him
welcome to the world of dating angelina
me: Dating Angelina: A marathon of embarassment
Angelina: hagad
you're the funniest human being EVER IN LIFE
me: oh, go on
Angelina: that's all
you're funny
THE END
me: oh
clever and handsome?
no?
Angelina: oh well that goes without saying
is your name "andrew schiver"?
me: yes, it is
Aloe Blacc, “I Need a Dollar”
My...
1 tag
For rent
My cousin Angelina is subletting her apartment, so I sent her a fake email inquiring about it. Here it is:
1 bedroom apartment!
From:Janet Mirkin [Editor’s note: Wikipedia the word “mirkin”]
To: blahblahblah@craigslist.org
Hello there,
I wanted to ask you a few quick questions about the apartment you put up on craigslist:
How long is the walk to campus?
How’s the heat? My apartment now...
WatchYour marriage is saved. Get ready to watch the divorce rate plummet!
2 tags
I'll have the ham.
Gregory Allen Nimbus, aged 37 years, was deathly allergic to strawberries. On February 14, 2010, during a lovely evening out with his mistress, Gregory made the, retrospectively foolish, decision to order the Valentine’s Day special: a Southern inspired, Asian influenced, French themed, honey-glazed ham. He was unaware that, among its many and varied ingredients, the glaze contained...
Watch
WatchMark my words, everybody, Kirsten Gillibrand will be the next President of the United States. She’s just so goddamn adorable on the Daily Show. She is totally pandering to her audience, but it seems SOOOO endearing. AND I just googled her. The more I read, the more I am convinced that Kirsten Gillibrand is Bizarro Sarah Palin (or Palin is Bizarro Gillibrand). SERIOUSLY SHE IS THE COOLEST.
Quitting Christmas: A How-To Guide
Christmas just ended, the new year is upon us, and you have yet again been reminded of one, unchanging fact: Your family is awful. Your mother is a control freak, your father is a lush, and your grandparents voted McCain/Palin.
Wouldn’t you just love to get away from those monsters next year? Well now you can! Using one of these foolproof plans, you can spend your holiday as far away from...
Watch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't eat anything green.
I woke up this morning and took a green poop. Like, forest green.
Happy New Year.